The Stanley Parable Dev Showcase: Special Editions

The Stanley Parable Helpful Development Showcase is our way of connecting you to the development of The Stanley Parable by giving you a small look at what's been going on behind the scenes. Each week we'll give you a tiny peek into what it takes to make a game like The Stanley Parable, the creative challenges we come up against in the course of development, and how to not judge yourself as a person for the quality of choices you've made in your own life. These are just a few of the topics we'll cover in this incredibly useful blog series.

This week: Special Edition Packages

Here at Galactic Cafe, we recognize that our players come from all walks of life, and that each person who discovers the Stanley Parable has a different set of needs and desires. How could we address the variety of our players by giving them only one product?

That is why The Stanley Parable will ship with a variety of Special Edition Packages, each designed to cater to the specific needs of someone somewhere. Depending on your generosity, you have the option of any one of these lovingly crafted Special Edition Packages, which I'm very excited to share with you today:

We will ship a 5-cent coin to your house. You pay for shipping.

This version does not include The Stanley Parable

We will ship you the 10-cent coin sent to us by one donor at the previous price level. You pay for shipping.

This version does not include The Stanley Parable

We will send you both the 10-cent coin and 20-cent coin sent to us by one donor at each of the previous two price levels. Instead of sending them their promised rewards, we will send them a picture of you in an envelope along with a note that says “You aren't getting the reward we promised you because [your name here!] stole it! [third-person gender-specific pronoun] STOLE IT FROM YOU!! HOW DO YOU FEEL?! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT [your name here!] IS DRINKING YOUR TEARS RIGHT NOW?!?! YOUR BITTER, BITTER TEARS. TASTE DEFEAT, MORTAL. TASTE IT AND WEEP.”

This version does not include The Stanley Parable

Who does that $1 donor think they are, stealing the reward promised to an innocent person who paid good money? It’s sickening what they think they can get away with.

With your $4 we will hire a hitman to intimidate the $1 donor. The hitman will spend one week in a van parked in front of the person’s house, staring at them 24/7 through a pair of binoculars. Once during that week, they will be visible outside the van, looking at the person who paid $1 and pounding one fist into their other hand over and over.

This version does not include The Stanley Parable

The hitman from the $4 level is quite a coward, isn’t he? He’s got no problem resorting to cheap bullying tactics, why? Because he got paid? Oh, that’s a reason. Big fucking man over here, preying on others for cash, someone ought to show him how it feels.

We’ll hire a second hitman to intimidate the first. The second hitman trained the first hitman, so he knows all of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. During training he also taught the first hitman a number of highly flawed techniques, just to have the upper hand in the event that the student ever turned on the teacher.

That’ll show him.

This version does not include The Stanley Parable

The second hitman doesn’t know it, but the person he thought he was training was actually the hitman who trained HIM! After educating the second hitman many years ago, the first hitman faked his own death by pretending to fall into a chasm deep within a Tibetan mountain. With the rest of the secret hitman society believing him dead, he lived at the base of the chasm for 12 years. When he emerged he infiltrated the secret hitman society by posing as a mail carrier. With access to the society’s record books he tracked down his former pupil. Knowing that HE had taught the second hitman a wide array of tactics with counter-maneuvers that only he knew, that he would have an advantage over the second hitman if the two ever confronted.

He then solicited the second hitman for hitman lessons, pretending to be a rookie, knowing that it would cement in the second hitman’s mind his belief that he would have the advantage over the first. This security measure would ensure that if for any reason anyone ever wanted to eliminate the first hitman, they would in all likelihood hire his “teacher,” believing the teacher to be more skilled, while in fact it was the “student” who would have the upper hand and therefore have a clean break and an easy getaway. Genius.

We will use your $15 to hire a third hitman, who’s never met either of the first two. The third hitman isn’t great, but he’ll train a fourth hitman (who’s blind, so he won’t know the identity of his teacher in order to plot against him) to be skilled in all the areas that the first hitman is weak in. Many years from now, after the fourth hitman is highly trained, he and the first hitman will duel. You will be sent a text description of the battle written by a person with no hands.

This version does not include The Stanley Parable

There is a secret fifth hitman. Stay with me.

When a hitman dies, his or her name is passed onto a newly anointed, unnamed hitman. When the first hitman threw himself into the chasm, his secret hitman name was given to a new hitman. But the first hitman had been lying about his true name all along, he had given a false name to the secret hitman society. HIS teacher knew this, and thus in secret, gave the first hitman’s true name to a pupil who was trained in secret, away from the knowledge of the rest of the clan. This is how the first hitman, posing as a mail carrier, failed to notice that another hitman carried his true name.

The fifth hitman isn’t actually very good. We’ll just hire him to watch the battle between the first and fourth hitmen.

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All of the above

Okay, scroll back up to the $15 level. See at the end that guy with no hands who’s supposed to write a description of the battle between the first and fourth hitman? He’s secretly the third hitman in disguise, who’s actually the hitman who received the first hitman’s fake name when he fell into the cavern, so he formed a fake name to disguise his fake name and then cut off his hands. I think he just got carried away? Not sure why he cut off his hands.

This version does not include The Stanley Parable

There is a dance passed down by the secret hitman society that all hitmen must perform when they meet in combat.

This is the dance that the first and fourth hitmen perform when they square off. However, because the first hitman hid out for twelve years, he did not know that the dance had been changed. Instead, he performed the old dance and made this crucial mistake:

Under the rules of THIS dance, the first and fourth hitmen are now married. It's the most beautiful story ever told.

This version does not include The Stanley Parable

None of the above

Why do hitmen have to die? Flawed techniques, faking deaths, made up names, what is it all for? In the end, is it all worth it?

The third hitman thinks about this all the time, he struggles under the weight of his own existence. And he’s been through so much, I think we should do something nice for him.

Your $500 will go toward purchasing one week for the third hitman onboard a Princess Luxury Cruise!!

Our Princess chefs are true culinary artists who insist on serving the very finest cuisine - and it shows. Our entire fleet has been inducted into the prestigious Chaîne des Rôtisseurs gastronomic society. Each chef's menu is creative and the selections change every day. Pair that with impeccable service and you're in for an unforgettable gourmet experience.

To say the nightlife onboard is entertaining is an understatement. Illuminating the stage in captivating productions, our performers are some of the most talented musicians, singers and dancers at sea. Our Princess Signature Shows, lounge performers, movies and casinos are just some of the entertainment our passengers enjoy as they escape completely.

The many activities onboard our ships are designed to stimulate, educate, entertain, inspire and sweat - not necessarily in that order. But, you can be sure we'll do our best to cover all the bases. And from art auctions to yoga, this ship is loaded with fun things to do.

With Princess, young kids and teens have their own kind of fun - and their own place to hang out. Our youth and teen centers are fully equipped with everything from the latest video games and movies, to arts and crafts, fooseball tables, board games and jukeboxes. And for the littlest ones, activities like kids' karaoke, pizza parties, pajama nights and more.

A Princess Cruise is the most elegant, comfortable, and refined way to escape completely. There's no place like the open waters for the third hitman to begin forming the memories of a lifetime.

But he’ll still die one day.

We all will.

We all will.

This version does not include The Stanley Parable